Once perceived as a dark aspect of love, jealousy is regarded nowadays as a primitive and sometimes destructive emotion. Many of us are reluctant to admit to being jealous, but it is actually a commonly experienced feeling, in both waking reality and dreams. It usually stems from a fear of loss. Our instinctive reaction to fear is to fight (or flee), so it is understandable that intense jealousy can cause us to lash out, physically or verbally, especially if we think that our relationship is under threat. Read the rest of this entry »

Nearly everyone has daydreams, whether at home, at work, or in the classroom — any time or anywhere. These waking fantasies span the entire range of human experience, from work tasks and home activities to adventurous escapes and erotic encounters. Read the rest of this entry »

It is only in certain exceptional relationships that couples do not experience at least short periods apart. It is said that Paul and Linda McCartney never spent a single night away from each other in their 29 years of marriage_; if true, this is a miraculous achievement. The reality for most couples is that one partner needs to spend time away from home occasionally, perhaps for work or family matters, or to pursue independent leisure pursuits. Read the rest of this entry »

For reasons that can be hard to fathom, some relationships seem cursed by time. The joys of the present somehow seem to be blighted by what has happened in the past. Often the problem is that the shadow of a former love has fallen over our relationship. Events that unfolded long before we met our partner exert a spectral influence — sometimes making the relationship seem triangular. How do we expel this interloper from our lives, and start to breathe a purer air? Read the rest of this entry »

Binding love is that special state of a mature relationship when stability, familiarity, and fulfillment have taken deep root. Key ingredients are intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy can be defined as emotional bonding; passion is the satisfaction of the physical, with elements also of nurturing and self-assertion; and commitment is a conscious decision of attachment — the bond that keeps a relationship together during hard times. Together, these three components complete a triangle that links two people in a lasting and fulfilling union. Read the rest of this entry »

Dreamwork can offer an antidote to resentment, which often creeps insidiously into relationships. Resentment stores up grievances, each building on the one before until we no longer recognize our partner as the person we love. Instead we see only their faults, often magnified out of all proportion. If we tune in to our dreams together, we can release such resentment before it reaches crisis level. Read the rest of this entry »

Most people would relish the chance to direct their own movie, and through the technique of dream script work, you scan. This playful yet searching and insightful way to act out a fantasy allows you to set the scene, steam up the plot, inspire exciting characters, and write your own ending, using your imagination to deepen the connection with your lover.

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A shared dream journal is an effective way to keep a dialogue going between two dreamers. You could simply add to it whenever the occasion arises, or you could write up your entries during dream dialogues together. The same approach could be followed by two friends, or even by a whole family.

Use one journal between both partners. This book is owned equally by both of you, so it cannot contain individual secrets. Read the rest of this entry »

It is something of a cliché that husbands forget anniversaries and their wives’ birthdays, but slips of memory can affect us all. Using dream remembrance cues can help bring those vital dates to mind.

One of the best ways to use dreams to remind us of special occasions is to select a symbol and associate it with an important date. For example you could visualize your partner as a giant balloon with the dateinscribed across its side, or as a racehorse with the number corresponding to the birthday or anniversary displayed on its saddle. The more imaginative the image, the more memorable it will be.

Well in advance of the target date, you need to focus on the image every night, before going to sleep. Try to keep this up regularly, and after a whileyou should notice the symbol you selected to remind you of your special date occuring in your dreams.

A novel way to add sparkle to your sex life is to share erotic dreams with your partner by recording them in a Dream Pillow Book — a type of bedroom journal once used by Japanese courtesans, among others. You may find that this exercise unleashes a creative burst of uninhibited fantasies unlike anything you would normally experience in waking reality.

1. Begin by inventing an erotic story, perhaps using part of a recent sexual dream as a starting point, and record the story in a special bedtime dream book. Choose whatever setting, images, characters, and storyline you like — anything you imagine might appeal to your partner. Sprinkle your story generously with descriptions of what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste, in as much detail as possible.

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Our emotional lives are often described in terms of a quest — we search for the right partner, for love and fulfillment. Conversely, we might speak of losing someone close to us, or losing love itself. It is hardly surprising, then, that our dreams use imagery of discovery and loss, often in a literal sense, to mirror the highs and lows of our emotional experiences. Read the rest of this entry »

The ancient Greeks believed that dreams about sex were signs of an infected mind: they were thought to be inspired by demons that corrupt our brains with evil desires. In the 1950’s American researcher Dr Alfred Kinsey claimed that most adults have sexual dreams — a statement that caused a storm of controversy. Today, we have moved far from the mythic beliefs of the Greeks, and no longer tend to be affronted by Kinsey’s findings, but even so, many of us dislike admitting to sexual dreams and find sex a difficult subject for discussion.

In fact, erotic dreams offer a unique way to ignite our sex lives, liberate desires, overcome inhibitions, and enhance intimacy. In telling your partner about your sexual dreams you establish a mood of sensuality, and communicate desire, and this is a simple yet effective way to rekindle passion. The novel and unpredictable erotic images that may appear in a sexual dream often trigger dormant feelings of excitement in both of you that can inject new zest into your sex life. Read the rest of this entry »

We are rarely surprised when we meet friends in dreams. Sometimes they appear exactly as they do in waking life, sometimes they are altered in some way, or they appear in strange guises, or say things that are uncharacteristic of them. We may dream of friendships in the present or, equally, from the past, as our unconscious mind never forgets anyone, and it is not unusual for a particular friend to make repeated appearances — even if we lost contact with them a long time ago. Read the rest of this entry »

The Virtual Dream

A sailing ship enters turbulent waters and is tossed about on the waves so roughly that it is in danger of sinking. The crew are terrified by the ferocity of the storm and look to the captain to save them from this life-threatening ordeal. But the captain dithers — he has never faced such a dramatic situation before, and he is unsure what to do for the best. Fearful and guilt-ridden, he hides away in his quarters as the crew bang at the door, begging for direction and a plan that will save their lives. Read the rest of this entry »

This exercise shows how the symbols of one person’s dreams can inspire and clarify the symbols of the other’s — a process called symbiotic symbolism. Jungian theory offers two possible explanations of this technique: one dream is incubating the next, by association; or there is unconscious communication between the dreamers through the symbols of the collective unconscious—the universal imagery that is encoded in all our brains.

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Falling in love is an enthralling experience — we are swept away by a swirling mix of excitement, nervousness, and desire. But compatibility is the backbone of any successful relationship, and in the earliest weeks and months we are still uncertain whether the seeds of harmony are taking root. We may suppress aspects of ourselves so as not to reveal our differences too starkly, or to seem to want too much too soon. The strength of our desires, combined with the element of concealment, makes our dreams especially vivid and deeply felt at this time. Read the rest of this entry »

A dream recalled in waking life is like a stranger in a strange land. It needs help to make its way into the full light of consciousness withoutbeing misunderstood. By working alone on your dreams, using their mood and their symbolism as touchstones to assess your emotional life, you will be able to illuminate and enrich many aspects of your most cherished relationship. However, imagine how much more progress you could make if you involved your partner (or a friend) as a co-worker. As with two alchemists in a laboratory together, your chances of stumbling across the secret of transforming base metal into gold will be dramatically increased by mutual assistance. Read the rest of this entry »

There is no such thing as a trouble-free relationship. The difficulties you experience together may be internal — that is, arising from emotional needs that cannot be reconciled without compromise. However, shared external factors will also inevitably come into play, perhaps aggravating or throwing into focus some of the differences in temperament that a couple may have to contend with. Money is a recurrent bugbear, as are the conflicting requirements of work and domestic life. Dreams of relationship turmoil may in fact be fuelled largely by such factors — even though there will usually be an emotional component too. Look out for clues in your dreams to the nature of these issues, and try to tackle them in waking life through pragmatic and constructive decision-making together. Read the rest of this entry »

Dream role play is a method of acting out a dream when you are awake. Together with your partner, you play a part, improvising as you go along, guided by the dream’s symbols and emotions. This technique allows you to locate any tensions that may otherwise stay hidden in your unconscious, and bring them out into the open where you can try to resolve them. Read the rest of this entry »

Scents trigger intense emotional reactions, and are potent dream incubators. Sensual aromas can direct sexual
energy into our dream life. This exercise shows how, by exploring the effects of different scents onyour levels of desire,
you can try to increase the frequency and vividness of erotic dreams.

1. Sit down with your lover and each of you make a list of your own favorite smells. These could be anything — do not forget the obvious ones, such as freshly ground coffee, newly-mown grass, or citrus fruits. Which of the fragrances on your list do you most associate with sensual pleasure and eroticism?

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